Death of a Vision

When we were at Mission Training International (MTI,) we had a day that was devoted to teaching about soul care and solitude with God. A portion of the day was dedicated to a time for each of us to go and find a place of solitude to spend time alone with God. We were informed during the morning that we would have time in the afternoon to go out somewhere in the beautiful mountains of Colorado Springs. I immediately knew my destination. We were in our third week of training and throughout our training at MTI, I had enjoyed an incredible view of a mountain bluff outside of the window of our training room. It was probably only a mile or two away but almost straight up. As soon as they announced the afternoon plans, I made up my mind that my destination was the top of the bluff…a place where I purposed to meet God.

When the afternoon arrived, I came prepared in my hiking boots and with a supply of water. Our only instruction was that we were not to take a Bible or journal and that we were to allow God to speak to us in whatever way that He purposed. The time came for us to leave the conference room and head out alone to meet God. In order to get to the bluff, we needed to cross some railroad tracks. As I climbed the hill towards the tracks, I could see a very long train quickly approaching and realized that I would not be able to beat it to the crossing. The train began passing by, but then stopped on the tracks blocking the path. I was already in a quandary. Should I wait on the train? Was God telling me that I had selected the wrong destination? I prayed a quick prayer and felt that I was to press on toward my goal. So, I started walking toward the rear of the train in hopes of crossing. As I was about a half-mile down the path, the train began to move forward again and I was eventually able to continue my journey to the top of the mountain bluff.

There was not a path up the bluff and I was required to make my own way. Much of the climbing was through heavy brush and small scrub trees, and other times it required climbing over huge rocks and boulders. I was working quickly and with purpose, because we did not know how much time that we had for this exercise, and I wanted to get there as soon as possible so that I would have time alone with God. Having just left sea level altitude in Florida and now trying to climb at an elevation of greater than 7,000 feet, I was having trouble with my breathing. At one point, I stopped on top of a large rock (at least 20 feet tall) and sat down to rest and drink some water. I was probably about half way on the journey and about a third of the way up the face of the bluff. As I was sitting there, I stopped to pray again and ask God if there was anything that He wanted to show or tell me. God was faithful to speak. In my spirit, He spoke that all of this time alone with Him was to seek Him and hear from Him. I had set out with a destination and purpose that I contrived. I was not spending time with God as I hiked. Rather, I was waiting for my destination, the top of the bluff, to be with God. He showed me that this is often how I approach life: pressing on toward my goals and setting parameters on where I will meet God and spend time with Him. This certainly does not fit the biblical model found in John 15 of abiding in Him. I can be so goal-oriented that I forget about relationships with people and even God. I sensed Him telling me to be still and stop working so hard to get to the top of the mountain. I sat down and I began to pray. As soon as I called out to God, a strong cool breeze began to blow. The wind had not been blowing any during my hike, but God was already bringing refreshment and comfort in Him. I sat and prayed with my eyes closed for about 10 minutes, and then began to stand and pray with my eyes opened. Though, I was not at the top, I already had a wonderful view of the valley below. I began to praise the Creator of the Universe for His handiwork and allowing me to be in such an incredible place. God showed me that He was with me always, and not just on the mountaintop. He showed me that I needed to slow down and wait upon Him. He showed me that I needed to be more concerned with relationships than with my goals. I died to my vision of reaching the top and decided that God had not led me to go to the top, but that getting to the top was my plan.

After a few more minutes, I began to sense that I needed to move to another place. I prayed and sensed that God said “to just go where I lead you and observe My creation along the way.” I was excited and expectant because I was truly trying to hear and discern God’s leading. Because I had given up on reaching the top, I thought that God would give me something even better. I imagined finding a mountain lion skull or possibly an Indian artifact like a large arrowhead or piece of pottery. I was meandering through the brush and climbing rocks, watching for lizards, birds, and other wildlife and keeping my eyes on the ground for a great discovery. I had no destination and was really trying to sense God’s leading. I did this for about 30 minutes, and without realizing it, I was at the base of the last bluff, almost to the top. I looked up the last 100 feet of mountain and asked God if I should go up. I sat down in a crevice and began to pray again. I wasn’t sure what to do. God had already asked me to die to reaching the top, but here I was so close. I decided that He had already spoken and even though I was so close to my goal and my purposed destination that I would stop. It was cool and comfortable in the shade of the crevice, and I thought of this as a hiding place. While I was praying, I thanked God for what He had been showing me while on my hike. He was faithfully speaking, leading and with me all the way and not just on the top. As I was praying I asked God if could go the top. I sensed God speaking: “Yes, my son. You may go to the top. It is I who created you and placed in you the desire to reach the top. It was Me who placed this purpose within you. Just know that I am with you always, not just on the mountaintop”.

I ascended rapidly to the bluff and climbed out on a large rock along the edge. I was sitting in the shade of a large pine tree that somehow had managed to survive the harsh environment of the mountain. I praised God and thanked Him for allowing me to get to the top. I thanked Him for speaking to me and guiding me. I was so grateful to have dwelt with God throughout the journey and not just at the final destination.

I began to ask God what all I was to learn from this time. He reminded me that my life has often had visions that had to die. You may be familiar with the concept of the birth of a vision, the death of a vision, and the resurrection of a vision. God showed me that my original vision to reach the top was based both on my own goals as well as God’s desire. I had to die to achieving my goals and my purposes so that God could resurrect/rebirth with His way. This is a scriptural principal that is found in the lives of Abraham, Joseph, the disciples and many others. Abraham had a vision of being the father of a great nation. The vision was from God, but his expectation of how God would fulfill it was from Abraham and needed to die. Joseph had a vision of being a ruler, but that vision died when he was sold into slavery and later thrown into prison. The disciples had a vision of ruling with Jesus, their coming King. However, their vision died when Jesus was crucified and buried. All of these people had a vision that God had given them, but each of them had to die to their expectations. God was faithful and fulfilled each of the visions, but in a way that would glorify Him and reveal that He and He alone had accomplished it.

I share this because God appears to be doing that in our family’s life right now. We have a vision, which we believe is from God, to help orphans, disciple university students, and bring economic opportunities to the Ugandan people. However, we also came with expectations of how God would accomplish these works. We are daily dying to our expectations and still learning to wait upon Him. God will fulfill these things in His time, for His glory, as He resurrects that which appears to be dead.

Our Great Shepherd, Jesus, is faithful to speak to His sheep, and we can hear His voice and know that it is Him. He guides us, leads us, and protects us. He alone is worthy of our lives, our devotion, and praise.